The Weight of Our Words: Faith, Respect, and Allah’s Grace

29 October 2021

Question: If we use words that hurt people while claiming to defend what is right, what are we leaving out?

Sometimes a word is not merely a word.

The intention with which we say it and how it affects the person before us also matter.

As we reflect on verses 103–105 of Surah Al-Baqarah, we encounter both faith and mindfulness of Allah, and responsibility for our words.

A person’s turning toward the right path concerns not only what they believe, but also how they live their belief.

The Distance Between Belief and Behavior

Verse 103 of Surah Al-Baqarah emphasizes faith and mindfulness of Allah.

Belief should not be an empty declaration that lets us make every decision in life according to our own wishes.

If we truly consider something right, we strive to behave accordingly.

Question: I say that I trust Allah, but which thought do I cling to first when things go wrong?

Sometimes we tie all our strength to money and position.

Sometimes other people’s approval becomes more important than everything else.

We can be very excited when beginning a task.

On the first day, we pray, wish for goodness, and ask for help.

Then we put in effort and reach the result we want.

At that very moment, we may behave as though every door opened through our own power.

Yet gratitude is needed after the work is completed too.

Question: When hardship passes, do I also postpone remembering my Lord?

We need to work to complete a job we promised a customer.

But we also need to be trustworthy while doing it and keep our promise when we finish.

Let us also consider the expression “Insha’Allah.”

This should not be a vague answer we use to avoid responsibility.

If we promise to do a task within our ability, we should also strive to fulfill it.

Mentioning Allah’s permission and disregarding our own duty are not the same thing.

A distance then forms between the values we believe in and our everyday choices.

At the beginning of a task, we pray and ask for help.

When things go well, we may attribute everything solely to our own success.

Yet remembering our Lord when beginning, continuing, and finishing a task belongs to the same awareness.

Being grateful when the result comes is as valuable as asking for help at the beginning.

Taking responsibility when we encounter difficulty is also part of this devotion.

Because praying does not mean abandoning the task we need to work on.

Trust does not mean choosing to do nothing while knowing what we should do.

If we want to complete a task well, we will make an effort.

When we make mistakes, we will try to learn.

We will also strive to keep a promise we made to someone.

Looking at our own lives, we see how many areas require balance.

Sometimes we can be very stingy. Sometimes we spend without thinking.

Sometimes we remain silent out of fear instead of defending our rights.

At other times, we act very harshly over a tiny matter.

We need to learn moderation between these extremes.

When discussing mindfulness of Allah, we cannot leave these everyday choices out.

The effect of our faith should also be seen at work, at home, and in friendships.

What Does a Word Change?

Verse 104 of Surah Al-Baqarah contains an important warning about forms of address.

Some words can be used with different intentions.

An expression one person uses respectfully can be used by another to mock or demean.

That is why we should pay attention not only to a word’s dictionary meaning, but also to its use.

Question: What am I aiming for when I say this?

To understand the person before me?

The meaning carried by words sometimes changes with the speaker’s intention.

The same expression can be used in one setting to show respect.

In another, it can be chosen for mockery.

That is why merely saying, “I used such a word,” is not enough.

Question: When I realize that I have hurt the person before me, do I hide behind my words?

When an employee needs to be warned, we can do it more carefully.

When setting a boundary for a child, we can speak without humiliating them.

We may be right in an argument; even so, we do not have to express our position angrily.

Respect does not mean agreeing with all the other person’s thoughts.

It simply means remembering that they too are human.

Using words carefully helps both preserve what is right and avoid unnecessarily hurting the relationship.

Or to belittle them?

Sometimes we change the form of a sentence while retaining the hurtful intention.

The words appear respectful, but our tone hurts the person.

Sometimes we deliver a correct warning so harshly that it becomes difficult for the other person to hear.

We often see this in a family.

Parents want to set a boundary for their child.

The child responds not to the words they hear, but to how they are being treated.

There may be a mistake at work.

Wanting the mistake corrected is one thing; humiliating the employee in front of everyone is another.

The same standard applies when speaking with our spouse.

We want to be right. But while trying to demonstrate our rightness, we may damage the relationship.

A true statement should not become a vehicle for a bad intention.

Let us reconsider what we say.

Even listening to someone without interrupting can sometimes make a great difference.

Let respect not be a behavior we show only to people we regard as important.

Those who ask us for help, work with us, and think differently from us also deserve respect.

Looking at Another Person’s Blessings

Verse 105 of Surah Al-Baqarah considers Allah’s mercy and grace.

It also recalls the different feelings people carry toward goodness bestowed upon someone else.

This opens an important door for questioning our envy.

Question: Why does someone else obtaining a good opportunity sometimes disturb us?

Because we can see what they possess as our own deficiency.

Yet not everyone’s life proceeds with the same opportunities.

Let us not think of Allah’s grace only as a return that comes back in the same form as what we did.

We cannot assume that we will necessarily receive the same amount of money because we gave money to someone.

Nor do we know in every detail what form the return for a good deed will take.

Sometimes a person’s gratitude, sometimes the trust established, and sometimes an unexpected ease may matter.

Question: When doing good, do I truly want goodness, or do I insist on a particular return?

Let us look honestly at this question.

If we continually make someone feel indebted after helping them, we should reconsider our own intention.

Let us not measure the goodness people do solely by its financial value either.

A loved one making time for you in difficulty is also precious.

Gratitude can help us see our blessings in these different dimensions.

One person’s business may grow. Another’s may shrink.

One family may experience a peaceful period. Another may face a difficult test.

We cannot claim to know the reason for all of these.

Let us not limit our understanding of Allah’s grace to the money in our hands.

Sometimes a person’s peace is more valuable than a financial gain.

Sometimes what they think they have lost gives them an opportunity to reflect again.

Of course, we feel sorrow when experiencing hardship.

But we do not have to turn sorrow into envy toward someone else.

Let us not abandon effort on our own path when looking at someone’s success.

Let us not forget every blessing in our own life when seeing another person’s good circumstances.

If we regard worldly means as the sole measure, we may lose our balance.

We cannot say that those who earn more are always more peaceful.

Nor can we say that those who possess less are necessarily unhappy.

Evaluating a person only by their outwardly visible possessions remains incomplete.

Our Intention and Our Relationships

Today we encounter a great many images.

On our phones, we watch other people’s homes, cars, and holidays.

After a while, the ordinary blessings in our own lives may begin to look small.

When we continually compare ourselves, gratitude becomes difficult.

This comparison can also enter our relationships.

We continually seek in our spouse, child, or friend the qualities we have seen in someone else.

Yet comparing the person before us with an image without understanding them can damage the trust between us.

Within daily life, we can learn to rejoice in someone’s success.

When a friend establishes a new business, instead of comparing ourselves with them, we can recognize where they put in effort.

When a relative’s means increase, we can wish them well instead of distancing ourselves.

Question: Why should someone else’s good news make me feel inadequate?

Our own path also carries responsibility.

Watching other people’s lives does not remove the work we need to do.

To learn, work, and be grateful, people need to look at the opportunities before them.

We can progress by correcting our own behavior, rather than through comparison.

Question: Am I truly trying to know people, or am I judging them by an image I have seen?

When we see a mistake, let us act with moderation.

Let us set boundaries when necessary. But let us not erase a person entirely because of a single wrong.

Because people can change. Someone distant today may seek what is right again tomorrow.

Considering this possibility does not require removing our own boundaries.

It simply helps us be measured when judging others.

As we turn to Allah, let us also review our relationships with people.

Let us ask that our tongue, intention, and behavior meet in the same truth.

Let us choose something we say today: a sentence we could express more carefully.

Let us also abandon an unnecessary comparison we hold toward someone.

May our Lord enable us to understand what is right, behave well, and give thanks for the blessings He grants.

The value of faith is visible not only on our tongues, but also in the gentleness of our words and the moderation of our behavior.