{"id":63,"date":"2026-11-05T01:35:05","date_gmt":"2026-11-04T22:35:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/truewayfinder.com\/index.php\/2026\/11\/05\/do-we-understand-our-child\/"},"modified":"2026-11-05T01:35:05","modified_gmt":"2026-11-04T22:35:05","slug":"do-we-understand-our-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/truewayfinder.com\/do-we-understand-our-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Do We Understand Our Child before Guiding Them?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

14 August 2023<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Do Our Words Find No Response?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Question: When we want our child to change a decision, do we know what that decision means to them?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo not do this,\u201d we say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d they ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We try to explain our concern. They think something they love will be taken away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are in the same room, but the matters we are discussing are different. We look toward the future; they look at their present world, in which they have invested effort and are happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we continue speaking without understanding one another, the distance between us does not close even if our voices rise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us imagine a child who starts playing volleyball in middle school. Their family supports them so that they can do sports, be active, and be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The child works for years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They make friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They see that they are talented and grow more attached as they succeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One day, they say they want to turn this interest into a profession. Their family’s concerns begin at that point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the child’s perspective, the situation is understandable: Why has an activity supported from the beginning now become a problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Answering this question only with \u201cI do not want it\u201d is not enough to understand what they are experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, we need to discuss how the path led here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do we know how much effort they have put in?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do we understand what they have found in that environment?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have we ever listened to what makes them feel successful?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A person who wants to guide must first make the effort to understand.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This does not concern only our children. We have the same need when speaking with our spouse, sibling, or a friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advice we give without knowing the other person’s world may feel distant to them despite our good intentions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There May Be More Than One Need behind a Desire<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Question: Does our child love only a sport, or do they also find something else for themselves there?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There may not be just one reason for wanting something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They may enjoy playing sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They may enjoy being active.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their circle of friends may do them good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They may want to see the return on years of effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is also the need for appreciation. Having something they do well recognized may be very precious to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we discuss only the visible desire, we cannot reach any of these needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can ask, \u201cWhy do you love volleyball?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can give them the opportunity to finish their answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even when we think we understand, we can ask whether we have understood correctly without immediately passing judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps they will say, \u201cFor the first time in my life, I have been this successful at something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That sentence matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are no longer discussing only an activity. We are also hearing how our child sees themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then we need to turn to our own attitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have we noticed their achievements?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have we spoken of their good qualities?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or have we paid attention only when they did something wrong?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We do not want a child to think they are valuable in only one area. We should also be able to see their other talents and good qualities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We cannot do this through empty reassurance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We need to truly know them, observe them, and take an interest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us take habits into account as well. Moving away from an activity to which years of effort have been devoted is not equally easy for everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people turn more quickly toward something new. Others hold more tightly to what they are used to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of trying to make two children alike because they do not react in the same way, let us try to understand what each is experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talking about Sports, Success, and Balance<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Question: While loving an activity, can we also protect the other areas of our lives?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us not confuse sport itself with a goal taking over every area of our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being active, playing sports, and receiving physical education are valuable. The work of those who provide education in this field also matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A physical education teacher contributes to children’s development. Guiding people in being active is also a way of benefiting society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, a judgment such as \u201cSport is worthless\u201d should not be at the center of our conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What we should really focus on is balance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which other responsibilities recede into the background for the sake of a goal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do we establish a balance with our education, family relationships, and values?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do we measure success only by receiving applause?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These questions also apply to adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A mother or father who wants to grow a business should make the same assessment. While speaking to their child about balance, they should not ignore the excesses in their own life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Simply earning more, becoming better known, or receiving more appreciation does not, on its own, provide sufficient direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why we do something matters as much as what we do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us consider both the pleasure an activity provides and the benefit it brings to our lives. Let us also be able to discuss the long-term consequences of what we enjoy in the short term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we do this, let us state our concerns within the family openly. Let us listen to the other person’s concern, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discussing balance means trying to see the whole of life together.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does What We Believe Appear in Our Behavior?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Question: Are our fine words supported by our daily responsibilities?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Verses 70\u201376 of Surah Ta-Ha describe the transformation of the magicians who faced Musa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After the evidence they see, they believe. Despite Pharaoh’s threat, they say they will not abandon this choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this account, there is not only a spoken statement but also the determination to stand behind it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The verses that follow mention faith and righteous deeds together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We also know the relationship between words and behavior in our own lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People may tell their family they love them. But if they continually neglect the responsibilities they have undertaken, something is missing alongside their words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saying \u201cYou can trust me\u201d does not create trust on its own, either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust becomes visible through actions over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Promises are kept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is entrusted is treated with care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is spoken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a mistake is made, it is acknowledged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our children see these things, too. They learn from what we practice as well as from what we say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So let us not think of the responsibility to guide as merely speaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through which of our behaviors do we set an example?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do we react when what we want does not happen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we take a step back when we realize we are mistaken?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we show the honesty we expect of them when accepting our own mistake?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us carry the weight of our words together with our conduct.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Were We Able to Come Closer by the End of the Conversation?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Question: Were we trying to show that we were right, or to truly understand one another?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A conversation is not considered successful merely because the other person falls silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes silence is not understanding. People may also stop speaking because they think they are not being heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For this reason, let us not use our questions solely to reach the answer we want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you want?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do you want this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What part of it makes you happiest?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What responsibilities will you undertake on this path?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With these questions, we can make room for thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can explain our own concern with the same openness. While explaining how our concern relates to love, let us not belittle our child’s feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We do not want someone we love to be harmed. But while trying to protect them, we also need to hear what they are experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When necessary, we can write down the matters we discuss. This allows us to see the intertwined desires, concerns, and expectations more clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We do not have to try to resolve every issue in a single sentence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we first need to fill in the missing understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we need to correct our own approach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we need to return to the same matter at a calmer time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us return to the opening question: When we want our child to change their decision, do we truly understand them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can we see their effort, friendships, habits, and need for appreciation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are we seeking the same balance in our own lives?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While trying to understand a child’s desire, we also need to remember the process they have experienced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something we initially saw as a small interest may have become an important pursuit over the years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We may have supported that pursuit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We may have devoted time, rejoiced at their success, and told those around us about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, when we want them to change direction, all that history does not vanish at once from their perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They may not feel that they are merely being asked to give up an activity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They may think that the field in which they have invested effort, their friendships, and their sense of achievement are also being taken away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is why beginning the conversation solely with our present objection may be insufficient.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should also honestly evaluate the process we have gone through together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What has changed in our own attitude?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which concern that we did not voice before are we expressing now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are we being clear enough with our child for them to understand this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of merely demanding a result, we can explain the reasoning behind our thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can listen to their reasoning as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listening does not mean accepting every wish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It means not passing judgment without seeing what the other person is experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same care is needed when speaking with our spouse and sibling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Behind a person’s desire, there may be more than the visible goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There may also be the wish to be appreciated, belong to a group, and see a return on their effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we recognize these things, the language of our conversation may change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We do not reduce the other person’s entire personality to a single choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We also see their other strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We take care not to show our love only when they make the decision we want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this way, the center of the conversation is no longer occupied solely by an argument we are trying to win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a real issue we are trying to understand together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we want to guide someone we love, let us first be ready to listen to them and look at ourselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

14 August 2023 Why Do Our Words Find No Response? Question: When we want our child to change a decision, do we know what that decision means to them? \u201cDo not do this,\u201d we say. \u201cWhy?\u201d they ask. We try…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-63","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"\nDo We Understand Our Child before Guiding Them? - True Way Finder<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/truewayfinder.com\/do-we-understand-our-child\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do We Understand Our Child before Guiding Them? - True Way Finder\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"14 August 2023 Why Do Our Words Find No Response? 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