What Does Our Self Need? The Difference Between Desire and Peace

7 January 2021

What Are We Really Looking For?

Question: Although we want so many things, why do we not find peace whenever we obtain what we want?

One day we want a better car, another day a larger house. A new technology appears; we think owning it will make us happier.

Yet while the opportunities in the world change, some of our basic needs do not. We need to understand one another, to be loved, to trust, and to have peace.

A new technology may shorten the distance between our home and our workplace. But it cannot automatically eliminate the distance between us and our spouse.

People cannot solve all their problems merely by changing the external circumstances of their lives.

That is why we need to reflect on what our self wants and what it truly needs.

Having something and finding peace through it are not the same thing.

How Much Do We Surrender to Our Desires?

Sometimes people place a desire at the center of their lives. They think about it day and night; they make all their decisions according to a single desire.

Question: Do we control our desires, or do our desires control us?

Pursuing something is not wrong in itself. Working, producing, and meeting our family’s needs are part of life.

But if we tie our entire life to a single temporary goal, another emptiness may remain within us even when we achieve it.

We can get up early in the morning to obtain what we want. When a major business opportunity arises, we can put off sleep.

But do we make the same effort to understand ourselves, learn what is right, and question the direction of our lives?

This question reveals a person’s priorities.

When reflecting on the Qur’an’s warnings about surrendering to one’s desires, we need to look first at our own choices rather than the world outside.

What do we constantly think about? What are we most afraid of losing? What do we think will end all our problems once we obtain it?

Our answers may show us the direction of our self.

The Difference Between Understanding and Memorizing

There is a great difference between doing something by rote and doing it knowing why we are doing it.

When a car breaks down, an experienced mechanic can sometimes solve the problem by fixing a small connection. From the outside, the work has taken only a few minutes.

Yet the real value lies in understanding what went wrong and why.

The situation is similar in human relationships. Memorizing the other person’s words is not enough; we need to understand what they mean to convey.

Question: Are we truly trying to understand one another, or are we merely preparing our own response?

If we continually find ourselves in the same argument, we should look at how we listen as well as what we say.

Knowledge can become dry repetition when it does not touch life. Understanding, however, opens the door to changing our behavior.

This, too, is one of the needs of our self: turning toward the essence of the matter rather than its appearance.

Although we live in an age when we can access more information, not every piece of information makes us more aware. How we evaluate information is decisive.

What Are We Accumulating as Time Passes?

Our days may be very full. We go to work, come home, shop, and think about the tasks we need to finish on time.

We do not notice how a day has passed. Then we look back and ask, “Why can’t I find time for anything?”

Question: Does being very busy mean truly living a meaningful life?

Our food, home, work, and possessions are important. But when all of these become the ultimate purpose of our lives, we may feel that something is missing.

We may have material goals. Alongside these, we also need to establish a more lasting, deeper purpose.

Doing good deeds and nurturing good thoughts should be considered together. We should look at our intentions as well as our behavior.

We cannot consider our own comfort a sufficient measure of goodness while remaining indifferent to someone else’s suffering.

Judging ourselves solely by how comfortably we live also misleads us.

Today, let us think about our self’s strongest desire. Then let us ask ourselves one more question: Does this desire make me a more upright, more compassionate, and more peaceful person?

What brings a person to maturity is learning what is truly valuable, rather than having everything the self desires.