What Do We Love More Than Anything? Attachment, Imitation, and the True Standard

24 December 2021

Question: What happens when something a person loves begins to govern their life?

Love can be a beautiful feeling.

We love our family, our work, and our children.

But if we place what we love above all the values in our lives, we may lose balance.

Verses 164–172 of Surah Al-Baqarah contain important reminders extending from the signs in creation to love for Allah, people following one another, and lawful provision.

All of these converge in one question: What is at the center of our hearts?

Even Though We See the Blessings

Verse 164 of Surah Al-Baqarah recalls the heavens, earth, night, day, ships, rain, and living creatures.

It states that in all these are signs for people who reflect.

Let us look around for a moment.

Morning comes. The day begins.

Rain falls. The earth comes to life.

A ship travels across the sea. Clouds move.

Let us think about the love we feel for our parents.

We love them because they devoted effort to us, met our needs, and stood by us.

In our relationship with our spouse, too, attention, trust, and sharing hold an important place.

These loves give meaning to our lives.

But considering the person we love absolutely right is a different matter.

Question: When I see a loved one’s mistake, can I speak the truth without hurting them?

Some people may remain silent because they fear losing those they love.

Others may think they must fulfill every request from someone they love deeply.

In this way, love can turn into ignoring responsibility.

Loving and abandoning one’s standard are not the same thing.

For the good of someone close to us, we sometimes need to speak openly.

But it is also within our power to do this without being hurtful.

Remembering devotion to Allah is meant to help us see the limits of our other loves, not to devalue them.

We may be astonished by none of these things.

Because we have grown accustomed to them.

But becoming accustomed to a blessing does not diminish its value.

Question: Which sign that I see in daily life do I now pass over without thinking?

A morsel of food, clean water, and a healthy breath are often used without notice.

But when one is missing, we see how much our life changes.

Recognizing the blessings Allah gives prompts us to reflect on gratitude.

Gratitude should be an awareness expressed in our behavior, not merely words remaining on our tongues.

People who receive a blessing should also consider its responsibility.

The Boundary between Love and Attachment

Verse 165 of Surah Al-Baqarah speaks of some people loving others besides Allah in a way that sets them equal to Him.

This leads us to question the order of our loves.

Loving our parents is not wrong.

Loving our spouse, child, or work is not wrong either.

But if one of these leads us away from the standard we know to be right, we should stop and think.

Question: Am I turning a blind eye to injustice to avoid losing someone I love?

A person may be very well known in a society.

Their financial power, position, or connections may make them influential in others’ eyes.

But possessing power does not mean they will be right in every decision.

Question: Why do I take someone as an example?

Because they speak a great deal? Because crowds follow them?

Or because I have evaluated their conduct in terms of honesty and justice?

When we act on someone’s words, the consequences of their behavior may appear in our own lives as well.

So let us not hand over our own decision entirely to someone else.

Sometimes we do things we have not questioned in order to be accepted within a community.

Then, when that community does not stand by us, the responsibility for our choice remains ours.

The warning of separation in the verses also helps us consider how fragile this bond can be.

If we seek an enduring truth, let us not merely follow the powerful.

Sometimes we may lie to avoid missing a business opportunity.

Sometimes, for the sake of continuing a relationship, we ignore behaviors that hurt both us and the other person.

Sometimes losing our position seems more frightening than speaking the truth.

Here, love, fear, and self-interest become intertwined.

Wanting something very much does not mean it is necessarily right.

A powerful feeling does not exempt us from the consequences of our decision.

Devotion to Allah needs to be a standard in our lives.

If what we love leads us away from honesty, we should reevaluate our love.

If love makes us forget the right path, it has become a matter of direction, no longer merely a feeling.

The People We Follow

Verses 166 and 167 of Surah Al-Baqarah recall the breaking of ties on the Day of Reckoning between people who followed one another.

This scene directs us to consider whom we take as an example today.

We may follow someone solely because they are wealthy.

We may adopt a group’s decisions without question to be accepted within it.

But one day we may face the consequences of those decisions alone.

Question: When following a person, do I investigate what they serve?

How many habits do we have about which we say, “This is how things are done in our family”?

Some may strengthen love, solidarity, and respect.

Others may lead us to disregard a person’s rights.

We need reflection to distinguish between the two.

Question: Am I continuing a behavior inherited from the past without ever questioning it?

People may value their elders’ words.

But this does not require accepting every statement they hear as the standard Allah has conveyed.

Especially when speaking in the name of religion, we need to return to the source.

Let us not confuse what the verse says with a tradition that has developed among people.

Someone’s good intentions do not mean that all their knowledge is correct.

We can ask questions to learn. We can research when we do not understand.

In this way, we can both preserve good habits and reevaluate wrong ones.

Thinking respectfully does not mean abandoning questioning.

Let us think of a manager who makes a wrong decision at work.

Employees may accept everything the manager says solely because of their power.

But the manager is not the only one who suffers the harm of the decision.

A similar situation may occur in families and friendships.

People’s appearing respectable does not show that all their words are right.

We should not take a behavior we see on social media as an example merely because it receives many likes.

The polished image we see in someone’s life does not justify all their choices.

The Qur’an’s warning calls us to question the direction of those we follow as well.

Let us see no one as flawless.

Let us not leave responsibility for our own choice to someone else.

Living Lawfully, Wholesomely, and with Balance

Verse 168 of Surah Al-Baqarah recalls eating from the lawful and wholesome things on earth and not following Satan’s footsteps.

These expressions are important for reflecting on our choices in life.

We eat, shop, and earn money.

But by what standard do we do these things?

Do we ever think of those whose effort brought a food to us?

Do we preserve honesty while earning?

Do we use the resources that come into our hands with regard for others’ rights?

Question: Does something benefiting me make the way I obtained it unimportant?

No. The path matters as much as the outcome.

The verses continue by warning against wrong behavior and speaking about Allah without knowledge.

People may defend their own habit in the name of religion.

But a habit and the standard Allah has conveyed are not the same thing.

Verse 170 of Surah Al-Baqarah criticizes the attitude of following the ancestors’ path without question.

Let us consider this expression in our own lives, too.

Saying “We have always done it this way” does not prove every behavior right.

Tradition may carry a beautiful value. But it may also cause a wrong to be repeated across generations.

So let us ask what we do and why.

Let us try to understand a religious practice through reliable knowledge, not merely what we have heard.

Let us not convey a statement to others as a definitive ruling without knowing its meaning.

When We Are Afraid and When We Find Relief

People may feel that they turn to Allah more when in distress.

Debt, illness, or fear of loss may lead them to prayer.

But when that difficulty passes, they may return to their former state.

Question: Why should my need to remember my Lord decrease when I find relief?

We need gratitude not only on difficult days but also when our means expand.

The balance between love and attachment becomes clear here as well.

We can possess resources. But let them not begin to govern us.

Let us also consider the call not to follow Satan’s footsteps through our own habits.

A wrong sometimes does not begin with a great decision.

We make a small concession. Then we repeat the same concession in another situation.

After a while, we may begin to consider ordinary what we once found wrong.

Question: Which habit is carrying me unnoticed in a direction I do not want?

We need to observe ourselves when answering this question.

Let us not make a relationship, a gain, or a habit life’s sole standard.

Let us reconsider from time to time the direction of our daily choices.

In this way, we do not have to recognize great wrongs only after their consequences appear.

We can receive people’s help. But let us not make any person the sole support of our lives.

When we do wrong, let us not postpone the opportunity to return and correct it.

Let us ask ourselves a question today: Which thing I love deeply is making a decision I know to be right difficult?

Let us not leave this question unanswered.

If necessary, let us set a limit on a desire.

If necessary, let us reevaluate a behavior we follow.

Let us ask our Lord to see what is right and live in accordance with the truth we see.

What we place at the center of our hearts ultimately determines the direction of our lives.