Recognizing Our Mistakes, Taking Responsibility, and the Warning of Al-A‘raf
20 June 2021
Looking at One Part and Missing the Whole
We can draw large conclusions from a small detail we see in someone’s life. They have opened a shop on a busy street, and business is going well; we think that if we open a shop in the same place, we will achieve the same success. Yet we do not see their years, accumulated knowledge, risks, mistakes, and effort. We confuse the visible side of success with the process behind it. We may experience similar haste when reading the Qur’an. If we take a single sentence and leave out its entire context, we may miss an important part of what we are being told. In this lesson, as we examine the warnings of Surah Al-A‘raf, we try to consider both the connections between the verses and our own lives as a whole.
When we read the surah from the beginning, we see repeated emphasis on being warned, receiving advice, the accounting of deeds, and human choices. Past communities, the calls of the prophets, and scenes of the Hereafter should not remain disconnected narratives. If we read these only as events that happened to other people, we postpone the question that falls to us. What do I do when I am warned? If something I want is wrong, can I give it up? When a mistake is pointed out to me, do I turn toward learning or defending myself? Bringing the verses into our lives does not mean claiming that we have immediately resolved every detail. First, it means allowing the words we hear to question us too. Without this permission, knowledge can become a tool we use to evaluate others instead of changing ourselves.
They Are Looking at Me, but Are They Really Listening?
One of the verses considered in the lesson is verse 198 of Surah Al-A‘raf. The reminder about hearing and seeing invites us to reflect on our everyday relationships too. Sometimes we explain something carefully to someone; they look into our eyes, but our words find no response within them. It may be our child, spouse, colleague, or someone close to us. We may become angry, thinking, “I said it so clearly; why do they not understand?” But there is a difference between listening and appearing to listen. Instead of trying to hear the other person’s words, someone may be waiting for the conversation to end. Let us not look for this possibility only in others. Let us ask ourselves whether we sometimes do the same thing.
Of course, not every disagreement arises because the other person is closed to the truth. Sometimes our explanation is incomplete, sometimes we have spoken at the wrong time, and sometimes our interpretation is wrong. When we cannot reach someone, immediately declaring them ignorant or ill-intentioned brings no solution. First, we need to distinguish between what we said and what was understood. Can we create room to say, “I listened to you, but I understood this part differently”? Can we hear the other person’s question to the end? In an emotionally charged setting, repeating the same sentence more loudly may not make it more understandable. Both learning and explaining require attention and humility.
What Is Our First Response to a Mistake?
People have a strong tendency to see themselves as right. When a good result emerges, we say, “I did it”; with a bad result, we may immediately look for someone else. If business deteriorates, the employees are to blame; if our education does not go as we wished, our family; if our relationship struggles, our spouse. The influence of others is real; we are not denying it. But making our own part invisible in every situation closes the door through which we could learn. Being able to ask whether part of a wrong comes from us does not mean taking all the blame upon ourselves. It means trying to find the part we can change. As long as we declare ourselves flawless, we will find no reason to reconsider the same behavior.
Let us preserve a very important distinction here: A person’s having suffered injustice does not mean that they deserved it. We cannot hold a victim responsible for someone else’s oppression. When speaking about war, poverty, pressure, or harm within a family, passing judgment without knowing people’s circumstances causes further hurt. Questioning our own behavior is not the same as telling a suffering person, “It is your fault.” The lesson also raises the distinction between harm coming from someone else and a person’s own choice. Our responsibility is not to erase this distinction, but to consider what we can do while upholding rights. Responsibility for a wrong belongs to the person who commits it; our opportunity to help is a separate question before us.
What Do We See in Adam’s Turning Back?
Let us consider the account of Adam and his wife in Surah Al-A‘raf. After the wrong, they acknowledge their own situation and turn to our Lord. In the lesson, this attitude is compared with an approach that continually shifts blame outward. People can make mistakes; desire may prevail, or they may overlook a warning. But being able to say, “I did wrong,” opens a new door. These words should not remain merely a sentence. We need to recognize what the wrong was, try to understand its impact, and take steps not to repeat it. Repentance is not a shortcut that removes responsibility, but an opportunity to return to responsibility. While asking Allah for forgiveness, we should not forget the person we harmed.
Apologizing after an argument is a small example of this. If we say, “I apologize if I upset you,” and immediately begin defending ourselves, we may once again have failed to hear what the other person experienced. Let us try to understand which words or behaviors caused harm. If necessary, let us say clearly, “I did this, and it was not right.” If there is harm we can repair, let us work toward it. Let us consider what we will change so as not to repeat the same words. An apology does not oblige the other person to feel better or forgive us immediately. But a sincere turning back needs to become visible in behavior. Quickly easing our own conscience and repairing the wound in a relationship may not progress at the same pace.
Not Seeing an Immediate Result Does Not Make a Wrong Right
The example of water on the stove is among the reminders repeated in the lesson. When we neglect something, the harm does not always appear at once. The water heats, time passes, and it decreases; the situation may change while we are distracted by another task. In human relationships too, the effects of a broken promise, a continually postponed responsibility, or an injustice regarded as minor can accumulate. That is why considering our behavior right because “nothing has happened yet” is misleading. Someone else doing the same wrong and appearing comfortable is not a standard either. We do not know their entire life. Moreover, we cannot evaluate the rightness of a behavior only by the comfort it brings us at that moment.
What we see on social media does not show a whole life either. Everyone may be smiling in a family photograph. This does not prove that there is no exhaustion, disagreement, or responsibility in that home. A beautiful image of a workplace does not remove the effort and difficulty behind it. When we compare all the difficulties of our own lives with a few selected images of someone else’s, our dissatisfaction grows. Before becoming caught up in “Why is mine not like that?” let us ask what we are actually seeing. Recognizing the blessings we have does not forbid wanting better. It simply helps free our wishes from the pressure of the image someone else presents. Let us not confuse real life with a scene prepared to appear flawless.
Continuing Goodness Does Not Mean Continuing Every Argument
Verse 199 recalls choosing forgiveness, enjoining what is good, and turning away from the ignorant. Let us consider this advice without turning every encounter into an argument we must win. We can explain what we know to be right in appropriate language. But when a conversation turns into insults, stubbornness, or mutual hurt, withdrawing may also be necessary. Leaving an argument does not mean abandoning goodness. We do not have to turn away from all people because of one person’s behavior. If we have not received the response we expected from someone we helped, let us not conclude, “From now on I will never help anyone.” We can remain open to goodness while taking precautions informed by our experience.
A problem we have experienced with a few people from a community does not justify judging that entire community either. If a person is in need, let us first try to understand their actual need. Producing easy labels based on their nationality, origin, or past can prevent us from seeing the person before us. Do I have the means? Is there reliable support I can provide? If I cannot help financially, can I contribute in another way? These questions are more concrete and useful. We do not need to know everything or solve every issue alone in order to help. But we can take care not to shift all responsibility onto others to preserve our own comfort.
Pausing and Remembering When a Bad Thought Comes
Verse 200 emphasizes seeking refuge in Allah against Satan’s incitement, followed in verse 201 by the mindful remembering and seeing the truth. Let us consider an everyday example. While wishing to advance at work, we may feel envy toward a colleague. When we begin wanting them to suffer harm, we have shifted away from our own development. A thought passing through our mind is not the same as nurturing it and turning it into action. We can stop where we recognize it. Saying, “My Lord, protect me from the wrong this thought would lead me to,” we can examine our intention and behavior. Instead of waiting for someone else to fall, we can return to our own responsibility.
Mindfulness of Allah is a broader matter than displaying what we know. A person may possess a great deal of knowledge, yet fail to fulfill what that knowledge requires in their behavior. Being able to explain a rule does not automatically guarantee that we will follow it when we struggle. That is why practice is needed alongside learning. Disclosing a defect when selling an item, observing fairness in a contract, and not turning our power into pressure within the family are points of application in real life. Here we keep the question “Could I be doing wrong?” alive. Let this question be a reflection that directs us toward greater care, rather than an anxiety that paralyzes us at every step. Knowledge thus supports correcting ourselves rather than judging others.
Is Sharing Merely Sending Money?
The lesson also discusses sharing blessings and strengthening support between people. Sometimes we can make a payment, sometimes meet a need, and sometimes give our time and attention. Asking how someone is, listening to them, and making them feel that they are not alone are valuable too. Financial help has value, but let us not reduce the human bond merely to money sent to an account. On the other hand, not everyone’s circumstances are the same. Let us not immediately accuse someone who cannot visit of being uncaring. Let us consider the support we can provide safely and appropriately. Noticing our relatives, neighbors, and people genuinely in need helps us remember the responsibility of living together.
The aim is not to thoughtlessly endanger our own basic needs or those of people who depend on us while giving. We cannot judge the amount shared solely from the outside. An amount one person gives easily may be a serious sacrifice for another. We do not fully know people’s means, burdens, and intentions. That is why, instead of belittling someone for giving little or considering them superior for giving much, we should examine our own intention. Are we giving to receive something in return, be praised, or leave someone indebted to us? Can we approach the person we help while preserving their dignity? When goodness turns into a means of establishing superiority by embarrassing someone, we need to reconsider our intention.
Forgiving Does Not Require Returning to the Same Relationship
In the question section of the lesson, mistakes, apologies, and separation are discussed through an example family with the names Aysun and Mahmut. It is important here not to pass the same judgment on every family without knowing the details. It is valuable for the person who did wrong to apologize and try to change, but we cannot expect the person who was harmed to return immediately to their former trust. Forgiving and deciding to live together again are separate matters. A person can set boundaries without carrying resentment. When a relationship ends, neither party gains the right to harm the other. Pressure, threats, or using the past to establish control are not solutions. Everyone must take responsibility for their own behavior.
Today we can choose a small but real step for our own part. It may be listening to someone we have not listened to, acknowledging our mistake, trying to repair the harm we caused, or not postponing a good deed. We cannot entirely manage another person’s response, but we can review our own intention and effort. Let us ask our Lord to protect us from envy, arrogance, injustice, and thoughts that make us abandon goodness. Let us not leave what we learn merely as knowledge that is discussed. Let it have a counterpart in our daily lives. Having made a mistake does not end the entire path. Persisting in refusing to see the mistake, however, can keep us in the same place. Today we can begin again to turn back, learn, and continue doing good.