How Do We Turn Back After Doing Wrong?

Have you ever remembered something you did and thought, “If only I could go back to that day”?

You said something. The moment the words left your mouth, the other person’s expression changed. When your anger faded, you realized what you had done. But by then, your words had already hurt them.

Perhaps you betrayed someone’s trust. Perhaps, when nobody was watching, you did something you knew was wrong. Life went on afterward. You talked to people, went to work, smiled. Yet inside, the matter remained unresolved.

Sometimes we are left alone with a mistake we cannot bring ourselves to tell anyone about. We struggle even to admit it to ourselves. Whenever it comes to mind, we change the subject or find something to keep us busy. Still, in a quiet moment, the same thought returns.

Question: Where do we turn when we regret what we have done?

In verse 135 of Surah Al-Imran, there is a question that meets us at precisely this point:

“Wa man yaghfirudh-dhunuba illallah.”

“And who can forgive sins except Allah?”

The same verse describes people who, after committing a wrong or wronging themselves, remember Allah, seek forgiveness, and do not knowingly persist in what they have done. Someone who has sinned is shown a way to return.

Let us take our time with this question.

I did something wrong. I know it. My conscience is unsettled. What will I do now? Will I spend my life defending myself? Will I find another excuse every time I remember it? Or will I turn to my Lord and acknowledge the truth as it is?

Turning to Allah begins with being honest with ourselves

When something troubles us, we often turn to someone close. We speak to our mother, confide in a friend, or ask someone we trust for help. Being understood, being heard, and receiving thoughtful advice can bring relief.

Professional support can also help us understand ourselves and change our behavior. Sometimes talking about a problem helps us begin to untangle something we have struggled with for years.

But we also need to face our responsibility before Allah. Even if everyone around us takes our side, knowing that we have done wrong is not a feeling we can easily dismiss.

Imagine that you treated someone unfairly. Later, you told a friend about it. But as you described what happened, you softened your own words a little and exaggerated what the other person had done.

Your friend listened and said, “You were right.”

For a while, you felt better. Then you were alone again. Your friend knew only the story you had told. You knew the parts you had left out.

This is where honesty with ourselves begins.

“I spoke harshly too.”

“I ignored their rights.”

“I hid the truth because it was inconvenient for me.”

These things are difficult to say. We fear losing respect for ourselves. We do not want to question the story we have been telling ourselves for so long.

But we do not have to appear faultless when we turn to our Lord. He already knows what we are trying to hide, and why we are trying to hide it.

So we do not need elaborate words when we pray. Sometimes all we can say is:

“Allah, I know what I have done. I have no excuse. I am sorry. Help me return to what is right.”

Being able to say this sincerely is an important beginning. We are finally using our energy to consider how to put things right, instead of spending it all on hiding our mistake.

What we do after making a mistake

Let us pause over the next part of the verse:

“They do not knowingly persist in what they have done.”

These words invite us to examine our own behavior. When I recognize that I have done wrong, what do I do? Do I try to stop, or do I look for reasons to continue?

Doing wrong is a serious matter. A few words can wound someone. A single action can damage years of trust. We cannot dismiss these things by saying, “Everyone makes mistakes.”

Yet acknowledging what we have done gives us a chance to begin repairing it.

Imagine a father shouting at his child in anger. The child falls silent and retreats to their room. A little later, the father calms down and realizes that he went too far.

He might tell himself:

“I’m the father. I can raise my voice if I want to. They should have listened.”

Thinking this way leaves little room for reconsidering his behavior. He does not stop to wonder how his child feels. He focuses on justifying his anger.

Now imagine him going to his child’s room and sitting beside them.

“I was angry, but I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Would saying this diminish him as a father? Would his child lose all respect for him?

Perhaps that child would learn something important that day: someone can have authority and still apologize. Admitting a mistake is nothing to be ashamed of.

As adults, we sometimes teach children to be truthful, then behave very differently when our own mistakes come to light. We expect honesty from them while constantly making excuses for ourselves.

Question: Why is admitting that we were wrong so difficult?

Often, we confuse our behavior with our entire worth as a person. Saying, “I did something wrong,” can feel as though we are declaring our whole life worthless.

Yet we can acknowledge that a particular action was wrong. We can take responsibility for it and learn to behave differently.

When we say, “That’s just how I am,” we make it harder to imagine ourselves changing.

We may have struggled with anger for years. We may be used to defending ourselves. Apologizing may feel unfamiliar. All of these are things we can work on.

Having struggled until today does not mean we are incapable of taking a step forward tomorrow.

Finding ourselves in Adam’s prayer

Let us remember the prayer of Adam and his wife:

“Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves.”

In verse 23 of Surah Al-A‘raf, they acknowledge what they have done and express their need for Allah’s forgiveness and mercy. Their prayer shows us what it means to take responsibility and turn to our Lord.

“We have wronged ourselves.”

There is such honesty in those words. They are able to look at their own actions. Their account of what happened does not revolve entirely around blaming someone else.

In our everyday lives, however, that admission is often followed immediately by a “but.”

“I was wrong, but they made me angry.”

“I lied, but telling the truth would have caused problems.”

“I talked about them, but everyone else was doing it.”

Of course, every situation has its circumstances. Other people’s behavior affects us. Sometimes we really have been treated unfairly. We do not have to deny that.

Still, we need to examine our own actions separately.

Someone making us angry does not make every word we say acceptable. Everyone else gossiping does not remove our responsibility for joining in.

We begin to change when we can make that distinction:

“What they did to me was wrong. The way I responded was wrong too.”

It takes maturity to say this. It means we are willing to see our own part in what happened, rather than focusing only on the other person’s faults.

When we reflect on the arrogance of Iblis, we can also find a warning for ourselves. Feeling superior and insisting on our own justification can make it difficult to recognize wrongdoing.

If we use these accounts only to label other people, we miss the lesson we need ourselves. They should help us notice the pride rising within us during an argument.

Do we become defensive the moment someone corrects us? Do we dismiss their words because they are younger? Do we struggle to accept the truth when it comes from someone we dislike?

Sometimes what prevents us from listening is the person speaking, even when what they say is true.

When we notice this, we can pause and ask ourselves, “What am I trying to protect right now? The truth, or my need to be right?”

Letting remorse change how we live

When we recognize a mistake, we may feel deeply upset. Sometimes we cry. Sometimes we cannot sleep. Remembering what we said makes our chest tighten.

That remorse matters. What we do afterward matters too.

If we have taken something that belongs to someone else, we should consider how to return it. If we have hurt someone, we should try, as far as possible, to repair the harm. If we have misled someone with a lie, we should take responsibility for correcting it.

When we say, “Allah, forgive me,” we should also look for ways to make that turning visible in our behavior.

Suppose you took credit for a colleague’s work. People congratulated you, and you did not correct them.

That evening, you felt uneasy. You prayed and expressed your regret.

What will you do when the subject comes up the next day?

Perhaps you need to say, “They contributed to this work. I should have acknowledged that yesterday.”

Those words may be difficult. You may have to give up some of the praise you received. But you will have taken a real step toward putting things right.

Repentance reaches into moments like these. It affects how we speak, whose rights we respect, and how we restrain ourselves when we are angry.

Question: What happens if someone falls back into a wrong they sincerely regret?

Here too, we need to be honest with ourselves. Falling again and deciding that the wrong is acceptable are different attitudes.

Someone may struggle to stop a harmful behavior. They may be determined to change and still give in during a moment of weakness. Telling themselves, “There’s no hope for me,” and abandoning the effort can leave them feeling even more helpless.

They need to pause again, take responsibility again, and try to understand why they are struggling.

In what situations do I repeat this mistake? What kind of conversation brings out my anger? Do I lose control when I am exhausted? Is there a habit that makes it easier for me to do wrong?

Sometimes we need support. Sometimes we need to leave a certain environment, pause a conversation, or change our daily routine.

Let us not measure our sincerity only by how upset we feel in the moment. Let us also look at what we try to change the following day.

Taking responsibility while trusting in mercy

Thinking of Allah’s forgiveness gives us hope. But we should never turn that hope into an excuse for knowingly doing wrong.

Violating someone’s rights while thinking, “I’ll be forgiven anyway,” disregards what that person is going through. Planning to apologize later does not justify hurting them today.

At the same time, someone who looks at their past and believes that every way forward is closed needs help.

Perhaps they have carried the same regret for years. Perhaps people around them constantly remind them of their past. They want to change but do not know where to begin.

They need to see what they can do today while accepting responsibility for what happened.

We cannot bring back a day that has passed. We cannot make words already spoken disappear. But today, we can speak more honestly. We can offer an apology we have delayed. We can stop an injustice that is still continuing.

Everything may not improve at once. The person we hurt may not trust us immediately. Our apology may not bring them instant relief.

We need patience with that too. Our regret does not mean someone else’s pain will end at the same moment.

Trust sometimes returns slowly, through consistent behavior. What we can do is live up to our words, day after day.

Now let us return to the question we began with.

Where does someone turn when they sincerely regret what they have done?

They turn to their Lord. They acknowledge their mistake. They ask for forgiveness. They try to repair the harm they have caused, as far as they can. They resolve to stop postponing their responsibility.

Today, each of us can ask:

“What am I still trying to defend, even though I know it is wrong?”

Perhaps it is something we said. Perhaps it is a habit. Perhaps it is an injustice toward someone that we have allowed to continue for years.

Let us think about it so that we can find the first step we are able to take.

Perhaps today we will call someone. Perhaps we will return what belongs to them. Perhaps, for the first time, we will say, without adding an excuse, “I was wrong.”

Allah, give us the honesty to recognize our mistakes. Help us accept the truth when we hear it and take responsibility when we do wrong.

Teach us to be sensitive toward the people we have hurt and to repair the harm as far as we can. Help us carry our remorse into our actions.

Let us be among those who turn to You and work to change, instead of spending our lives defending our faults.

Today, let us begin by finding the courage to say, “I was wrong.”