Beginning Rightly, Ending Rightly

31 March 2023

How we finish something matters as much as how we begin it.

Marriage, partnership, work, friendship, a project, even an ordinary day… People are constantly beginning something, continuing it, and bringing it to an end at some point.

The problem often emerges at the moment of ending. When the lower self, anger, hurt, and ego become involved, we can end up in the wrong even in a matter where we are right.

What Is a Right Beginning?

Question: With what feeling do we begin something?

Need?

Pleasure?

Fear?

Anger?

Or a calmer and clearer intention?

Sometimes people enter marriage to escape loneliness. They take a job solely under financial pressure. They form a partnership because they are impressed by the other person’s power.

If the initial feeling is very dominant, awareness can narrow.

That is why, when beginning something, people should ask their Lord for uprightness and support.

The supplication meaning “Let me enter with a truthful entrance and leave with a truthful exit” can be applied to many areas of life.

Having a pure intention at the beginning protects a person through the problems that arise later.

Not Becoming Wrong When We Are Right

A relationship may truly need to end.

Our rights may have been violated at a workplace.

We may have been deceived in a partnership.

We may be continually harmed in a family relationship.

Ending it is not wrong.

Question: Do we also damage ourselves in the way we end it?

Do we insult?

Do we want revenge?

Do we want to expose all the other person’s secrets?

Do we cause harm in anger?

Here, people can succumb to their lower selves and produce a new injustice on a path they began for a justified reason.

Ending rightly does not mean accepting everything.

It is possible to set boundaries, seek one’s rights, and leave when necessary.

But in doing so, we must not lose our own moral character.

A good exit is one that does not leave a person with continual regret.

Anxiety about the Future Can Bind a Person

People can be exhausted not only by the past but also by a future that has not yet happened.

“What if I lose my job?”

“What if my money runs out?”

“What if my spouse leaves me?”

“What if I experience the same pain again?”

All these possibilities exist. But when repeated constantly, they can begin to govern a person’s decisions today.

Question: Are we already experiencing the pain of an event that has not happened?

Planning for the future is one thing; becoming unable to live today because of fear of the future is another.

Supplication is a person’s refuge here.

They take whatever precautions they can, then leave what they cannot control to their Lord.

Not Allowing Past Pain to Govern Today

A person may previously have experienced a bad marriage.

They may have been defrauded in business.

They may have been betrayed by a friend.

This experience can make them more careful. But if it becomes the measure of all of life, it also damages new relationships.

Constantly looking for the first spouse’s mistakes in a second marriage, expecting the old employer’s cruelty in a new job, and seeing past betrayal in a new friendship exhaust a person.

Question: Does our experience give us wisdom, or is fear governing us?

We do not deny the past.

But we do not allow the past to rule every new beginning, either.

Asking for Support Is Not Weakness

Sometimes people want to say, “I will handle it myself now.”

Especially when they are successful, strong, and experienced, they may consider asking for help a weakness.

Yet however strong a person is, they have a lower self.

They can become angry.

They can become jealous.

They can become afraid.

They can make a wrong decision.

That is why praying does not mean saying, “I am helpless and can do nothing.”

It means saying, “I will do my best, but I do not trust my own lower self completely.”

This makes a person more careful.

Not Turning Away in Prosperity

People turn to their Lord in hardship.

They pray more when they are in debt. They perform more prayers when there are problems in their marriage. They give more charity when business is going badly.

Then the problems are resolved.

The danger begins precisely here.

People can turn away in prosperity.

The feeling “I no longer need anything” may come.

Yet as blessings increase, gratitude should also increase.

As means increase, giving should also increase.

When comfort comes, supplication should not cease entirely.

Question: Do we remember our Lord only to solve problems?

If so, we need to reconsider our relationship.

Being Able to Remain the Same Person between Beginning and End

Sometimes this is a person’s real test.

They begin a business honestly and change when money comes.

They begin a marriage with love and lose compassion when conflict arises.

They begin a friendship sincerely and abandon loyalty when the benefit ends.

Beginning rightly is good.

Continuing rightly is harder.

Ending rightly reveals character.

Question: If there is something we need to end today, how do we want to end it?

With peace of mind?

Or do we want the last word?

To prove we are right?

To punish the other person?

When people answer these questions honestly, they put distance between themselves and their lower selves.

There Is Also a Proper Way to End Things

As a relationship ends, people can erase all the kindness shown in the past in an instant.

“It was never good anyway.”

“I was always the victim.”

“They had no good qualities at all.”

Anger changes memory, too.

Yet something ending does not mean everything experienced in the past was a lie.

Ending rightly also means preserving justice.

We call a wrong a wrong, but we do not deny the good, either.

Question: When parting, do we have to turn the other person into someone entirely bad?

No.

Sometimes it is enough simply to accept that we cannot walk together.

The Lower Self Wants the Last Word

During arguments, many people have the same desire within them: Let the final sentence be mine.

To write one more message.

To make one more cutting remark.

To silence the other person.

To make them admit we are right.

But not every last word is truly necessary.

Sometimes remaining silent means not feeding the fire of the lower self, rather than running away.

Question: Are we really going to say this sentence for a solution, or to cause pain?

This question can stop many unnecessary arguments.

Asking for Help Does Not Diminish a Person

Sometimes people become trapped inside their own thoughts.

They think about the same event over and over, magnifying the same fear.

Supplication, speaking with a trustworthy person, obtaining professional support when necessary, and developing concrete precautions are not alternatives to one another.

People both seek refuge in their Lord and use the resources they have.

What matters is not allowing fear to govern us completely.

Clearing Away the Old Burden for a Good Beginning

If we take old anger with us when entering a new job or relationship, the beginning becomes difficult from the very first day.

That is why we need to look at ourselves before stepping through a new door.

“Am I still living with an old score to settle?”

“Am I trying to collect the former person’s debt from the new person?”

“Is fear making this decision for me?”

Recognizing these things makes the new beginning cleaner.

A Right Exit in Working Life

The same standard applies when leaving a workplace.

Our rights may have been violated. We may not have gotten along with the employer. We may have found another opportunity.

Sabotaging the work, misusing information, turning employees against each other, or causing harm in anger while leaving damages us, too.

Question: When we look back after that door has closed, will we be ashamed of our own behavior?

A right exit does not prevent us from demanding our rights. We seek our rights, but we do not sell our character.

Distance Is Also an Option in Family Relationships

Not every relationship has to be severed completely.

Sometimes it is enough to create distance with a sibling, relative, or friend.

Instead of constantly fighting, it may be better to meet less often, avoid discussing certain topics, or set financial boundaries.

This, too, is a way of ending: ending the harmful form of the relationship.

A Right Exit Protects a New Beginning

If we close one door in anger, we carry anger to the new door as well.

Someone who leaves an old workplace with hatred may view their new employer with suspicion from the outset. Someone who leaves a previous marriage with a desire for revenge may find it difficult to trust their new spouse.

That is why a good ending matters not only for the past but also for the future.

Question: If there is a matter we need to close today, with what words and what attitude would we like to end it?

Sometimes a good ending consists of a few clear and respectful sentences, rather than lengthy explanations. Instead of venting our anger, we express our boundaries, protect our rights, and continue on our way.

Ending rightly also means seeing our own part. Even if the other person’s mistake is great, asking “What could I have done better here?” prepares us for the future. This question does not mean taking all the blame; it means putting our own area of responsibility in order. In this way, we become less likely to repeat the same mistake in a new beginning.

When a door closes, let our moral character not close with it.