Both Working and Surrendering: Effort, Supplication, and Balance

26 July 2021

Wanting Something and Working for It

Let us think of something we want in life. It may be a job, a marriage, progress in our profession, or a more peaceful relationship with our family. We want it to happen and perhaps pray for it too. But can we clearly ask ourselves this question: what am I actually doing for this wish? Merely waiting and waiting after doing what we can are not the same thing. Sometimes, when we say, “May it be for the best,” we do not notice that we have not taken a step that falls to us at all.

Someone looking for work needs to apply, seek interviews, and develop themselves. Someone wishing to marry also needs to put effort into meeting people, knowing themselves, and understanding the other person. These do not guarantee the outcome, but they show the place of effort. Wanting something very much does not mean we have automatically done the work needed to obtain it. First, let us look at where we stand, what we need, and which step we can take that we have been postponing.

On the other hand, working does not mean we will manage everything through our own power. People make all their preparations but cannot know every circumstance they will encounter in advance. Here, rather than setting supplication and effort against each other, we need to consider them together. We can turn to our Lord while working and ask for what is best while preparing. In this way, we neither abandon responsibility nor regard ourselves as the sole owner of every outcome.

The Question the Owners of the Garden Ask Us

In the account of the owners of the garden in Surah Al-Qalam, people make the work they will do in the morning certain through their own plans. They think they will gather the produce and prepare to act without considering others’ share. Then they do not find the garden as they expected. This account shows us not only a loss in the past. It also prompts us to consider what we have begun to regard as certain in our own lives. Could we be claiming an outcome that has not yet occurred as though it were already in our hands?

When we say, “I will get this job, this company will grow, this relationship will certainly be as I want,” we are often describing our intention. But we must not confuse intention with a definitive judgment. We can set a goal; we cannot make its fulfillment an unchangeable condition of life. When considering the owners of the garden, let us look not only at what they lost but also at their outlook before the loss. Within what they thought they would obtain, they had forgotten others’ rights and their own limits.

Its everyday equivalent may sometimes be treating an order a customer will place as certain. Sometimes we think our child will definitely choose the profession we have selected. At another time, we assume the other person will agree with us in every circumstance. When what we expect does not happen, we discuss only the result. Yet first, we need to ask on what basis we made that expectation certain. We had a plan, but we had no knowledge that we knew the whole future.

Are Our Needs and Wants the Same?

One reason we struggle in many matters is confusing our needs with our wants. Drinking water is a need. But wanting to drink a particular beverage, in a particular place and way, is something else. We need shelter, but thinking we will be well only if we live in a very large and impressive home is not the same need. A vehicle may make our work easier, but when we turn owning a particular brand into the measure of our life, we have moved somewhere else.

The aim here is not to condemn wanting beautiful things. It is to look honestly at ourselves. To be able to ask, “What do I really want this for?” To meet my need, to avoid falling behind others, or to feel more valuable? Sometimes the cost of what we want is not only money. To reach it, we may also strain our health, time, relationships with our family, and inner peace. We must see what we begin losing while obtaining something.

There is a similar distinction in marriage. Wanting someone with whom we can share life and looking for a person who perfectly possesses every quality in our minds are not the same. The other person has their own past, temperament, fears, and needs. When we squeeze them into a list of expectations, we may struggle to hear the real person. Let us not regard ourselves as consisting only of qualities that will appeal to someone else either. Let us focus on the relationship we can build together, how we will treat each other, and how we will share responsibility.

What Changes When We Ask for What Is Best?

Most of us use the phrase, “May it be for the best.” But what are we accepting when we say it? We are accepting that we do not know whether everything we want will necessarily produce the best outcome for us. We cannot assume that a job that makes someone else happy will make us equally happy. People’s resources, personalities, and circumstances differ. Opening the same shop, entering the same profession, or having a similar marriage does not bring everyone the same life.

So asking for what is best does not mean disregarding our own wishes entirely. It means remembering, while expressing our wish, that we do not know all its consequences. Being able to say, “My Lord, I am working for this. If it is good for me, make it easy; if not, help me see what is right,” keeps our minds from closing around a single outcome. We may feel sad when what we want does not happen. But we do not have to say that no possibility of goodness remains outside that outcome.

Sometimes, when we ask to receive something better than our garden, we imagine only a larger garden. Yet we cannot always determine the form of what is good either. An opportunity may need to come through another route, some habits may need to change, or we may need to let go of what we expected. Let us not rush to explain every event here. Without speaking with certainty where we do not know, let us continue doing what we can and turning to our Lord.

Let Supplication Not End When What We Want Arrives

We may pray while unemployed and stop praying once we have a job. We may work hard to find a customer and think the whole matter is resolved once we get the business. Yet obtaining the work is only the beginning of the relationship. Afterward come producing correctly, delivering at the promised time, and handling payment and responsibility honestly. We should not forget, as we continue, our Lord whose help we asked for at the beginning. We can pray for the work to continue and conclude well, as well as begin well.

The same applies to marriage. We encounter new responsibilities while meeting, deciding, marrying, and living together. Having good intentions at the beginning does not mean we will never be mistaken afterward. We may be hurtful toward our spouse, fail to recognize their need, or enlarge our own expectations too much. So asking for help is not only for the first step. While the relationship continues, we also need to ask for understanding, truthfulness, patience, and the strength to put things right.

Let the continuity of supplication not mean living in fear at every moment. Let us think of it more as not forgetting the limits of our own power. Even after learning a job, we can make mistakes. Even when we think we know a person, we can misunderstand them. When praying, let us ask for help with our own behavior rather than only asking for the outcome. Being able to say, “Help me see what is right, manage my anger, keep my word, and turn back when I do wrong,” is a turning to Allah carried into life.

The Fine Line Between Effort and Excess

So when will we continue, and when will we stop and think again? There is no ready-made answer that works in every situation. But we can look at our own condition. If our desire makes us think about the same thing day and night, put all our responsibilities aside, and turn toward methods we consider wrong, we need to stop. Making an effort and exhausting ourselves are not the same. While pursuing a goal, we should try not to lose our sense of proportion.

Imagine receiving a very exciting business offer. The other person speaks of large profits and asks us to decide immediately. In our fear of missing the opportunity, we may come close to accepting without thinking. At such a moment, stepping back a little to understand the conditions, ask questions, and assess responsibility matters. Feeling excited is not wrong, but we should not allow excitement to take the place of our entire assessment. The more attractive the outcome we want, the more necessary our care may be.

Haste sometimes has the same effect in relationships. Because of the strength of our own desire, we may not hear what the other person says. We overlook a disagreement and later ask, “Why did I not notice this earlier?” We cannot know everything beforehand, but we can avoid covering up a known problem simply to get what we want. The balance we call mizan requires care between taking no steps on one side and forcing everything on the other.

We can also consider this through the example of rice. Rice, water, oil, salt, and heat are needed. The presence of only one ingredient does not complete the dish. Adding too much of a necessary ingredient can spoil the result too. We need similar care when considering the place of effort, knowledge, patience, and supplication in our lives. We cannot abandon one side entirely and regard the other as sufficient alone. Forgetting our family while working hard, or giving up effort while merely waiting, can both cause difficulty. What we need is not to do everything in equal amounts, but to give each its proper place, as much as needed and in accordance with its responsibility.

Every Problem Asks How We Will Respond

No area of our lives continues along the same line forever. One day we are comfortable; another day we struggle. A new issue may arise in our marriage, work, or relationship with our family. This does not simply show that we are a bad person. What matters is how we approach the problem we encounter. There is a difference between immediately attacking the person and trying to understand the issue we need to resolve. When we become stuck on “How could they do this to me?”, sometimes we cannot hear the solution.

Let us remember the days when we first learned a job. Even a small problem seemed very difficult. Over time, our knowledge, experience, and problem-solving ability grew. We now handle more calmly the task we once magnified. We need to learn in our relationships too. Listening, explaining, setting boundaries, apologizing, and keeping our word are not things we automatically know perfectly. As we work on these, we can respond more carefully to the questions we encounter.

Even so, let us not say, “Now I know everything,” as we learn. Knowledge should bring us care, not arrogance. Growing older does not guarantee that all our decisions will be right either. When young, we may rush in without thinking; as we age, we may refuse to take any steps because we have been hurt before. In both cases, we do not know the future entirely. We need to assess today’s decision by drawing on our experience without hiding behind it.

We may lose this balance more easily when comparing ourselves with others. Someone marrying before us, earning more, or being more visible does not prove our own life is deficient. We do not know every detail of what they experience. Making our inner world compete with an outcome we see from outside may be unfair to ourselves. Instead, let us look at what we can do more rightly in our own circumstances. Recognizing fear from the past, distinguishing our present need, and asking which emotion drives a decision can reduce our haste. When we do this, we look more clearly at our own responsibility rather than copying someone else’s path.

We may also find difficult what someone else does easily. So instead of belittling ourselves, let us see where we need learning and support. Similarly, let us not immediately judge someone who struggles with something that comes easily to us.

Starting Again Without Surrendering to Fear

Let a past loss not close every future path. We may have gone bankrupt, been hurt in a relationship, or been mistaken in a great expectation. Learning from these is valuable. But if we look at every new possibility only through our old pain, we may narrow our lives while trying to protect them. Let us learn so that we do not repeat the same mistake, but let us not expect a life without any problems. Every decision will contain something we do not know.

What we can do today is see our wish more clearly and choose a small, right step. It may be following up an application, listening to our spouse, postponing an expense, or pausing to consider a hasty decision. Then we turn to our Lord. Let us not forget to pray while working, or work while praying. Let us not abandon what is right when the outcome is not what we wanted. Learning both to make an effort and surrender is not withdrawing from life, but walking within it while preserving our balance.