Why Do People Divorce? Looking at Where a Marriage Began

28 January 2021

Where Does the Reason for Separation Begin?

Question: Why do people divorce?

Perhaps we should first ask another question: Why do people marry?

Whatever intention a relationship began with, changes in that intention over time affect the relationship’s future.

Temporary Reasons, Lasting Expectations

Some may want to marry to escape loneliness, leave the family home, because they admire someone’s appearance, or to meet the expectations of those around them.

Question: What will remain when these reasons disappear?

Beauty may change. Circumstances may change. What people say may also change.

A relationship that began because of others’ words may be shaken by others’ words again.

Love Requires Effort

It is easy to say we love. But preserving love requires time, attention, and material and emotional effort.

Question: Can we expect love to remain the same forever without nurturing it?

If we see our spouse merely as someone who meets our needs, our view of them may change when our needs change.

The purpose of living together is not merely to receive, but to take responsibility.

Questioning Our Intention Again

When approaching marriage, the idea of seeking Allah’s pleasure, justice, and mutual responsibility comes to the fore.

For this, we should try to understand both our own intention and the other person’s intention.

The stronger person putting pressure on the other does not preserve love. Bullying cannot take the place of love.

Question: By what criteria did we make our decision when choosing our spouse?

Reexamining our original reason may open the door to understanding why we are struggling today.