Appreciating Blessings: From Ingratitude to Gratitude

6 March 2023

When do we recognize the value of a blessing? While we have it, or when it is taken away?

People often take what they have for granted. Health, money, a spouse, children, work, time, friendship, trust… It feels as though they will always be with us. Yet Surah Hud reminds us that people can become hopeless when they lose a blessing and ungrateful when they receive one.

Ingratitude is not merely “not saying thank you.” Failing to appreciate a kindness done to us, overlooking a blessing, and treating what we are given as nothing more than our entitlement also fall within ingratitude.

Blessings Bring Responsibility

Question: Why does a person become ungrateful?

Because first, something has been given to them.

Ingratitude often emerges within blessings rather than deprivation. When people receive something continually, they become accustomed to it. After a while, they begin thinking about why more is not coming instead of appreciating what they receive.

If we tried to count Allah’s blessings, we could never finish. Even a functioning hand is a great blessing in itself. Bones, muscles, blood, skin, nerves, movement, healing… Most of the time, we simply say, “I have a hand,” and move on.

The same is true of breathing. Of water. Of a mouthful of bread.

The problem may not be a shortage of blessings; it may be our taking blessings for granted.

Sometimes people only understand the value of what they have after losing it. When their health deteriorates, they recognize health; when they lose their job, they recognize work; when someone beside them leaves, they recognize that person’s efforts.

That is why gratitude should not remain merely a spoken expression. Gratitude means knowing the Giver of the blessing and doing justice to the blessing.

Why Do People Who Always Receive Change?

The same standard applies in relationships.

When one person always receives and the other always gives, the balance is disturbed. If parents always give and a child takes no responsibility; if one spouse constantly carries the burden while the other only makes demands; if a friend always receives help but never makes an effort, what is given can gradually be taken for granted.

Question: Should we not do good for the people we love?

Of course we should.

But doing good does not mean completely relieving the other person of responsibility.

Meeting a child’s every need in advance, ensuring they have no duties at home, and removing every burden of life from them by saying, “As long as they study,” can sometimes harm them rather than help them.

Because people must also learn to give.

They should give their effort. Their time. They should help. They should take on part of a burden.

A child can carry plates to the table. Tidy their room. Take on a responsibility at home. Perform a small service for their parents.

These things are not merely about getting work done. They build the awareness that “I am not only someone who receives in this family; I also give.”

The same standard applies to adults.

If someone constantly gives you something, learn to make an effort for them too. Help sometimes. Carry their burden sometimes. Sometimes simply ask, “What do you need?”

People who give more readily understand the value of the blessings they receive.

Abundance Can Lull People to Sleep

Abundance is not bad. But abundance can make a person’s test more demanding.

The more easily people obtain something, the less they may appreciate it. A child who is constantly bought new things may become bored with each new thing shortly afterward. Someone whose every wish is fulfilled may begin to regard asking as normal and giving as a burden.

That is why we sometimes need to set limits for ourselves in life.

Not buying everything we want immediately…

Not immediately consuming everything we crave…

Sometimes remembering hunger through fasting…

Sometimes sharing what we have…

Sometimes being able to say, “I can afford this, but I will not buy it today”…

These things do not mean condemning people to deprivation. They mean recognizing blessings anew.

Question: Why are spending for others, charity, and sharing so important?

Because blessings gain meaning not only when they accumulate in our hands, but also when they reach others through us.

If we have money, we should give from our money; if time, from our time; if knowledge, from our knowledge; if strength, from our strength.

If people live only by asking, “How much more can I receive?” they move toward ingratitude. When they begin asking, “What can I give today?” gratitude turns into behavior.

Scarcity Sometimes Teaches

People see some things more clearly in deprivation.

A hungry person knows the value of a mouthful. A thirsty person knows the value of a glass of water. Someone who loses their job feels the value of work more deeply, and someone who becomes ill feels the value of health.

That is why not every hardship is only bad. Sometimes it corrects a person’s sense of proportion.

What was forgotten in abundance is remembered again in difficulty.

But the aim is not to experience difficulty continually. The aim is to develop an awareness that appreciates blessings even before difficulty arrives.

Question: How do we move out of ingratitude?

First, by acknowledging it.

The moment we say, “I am never ungrateful,” we may close the door on ourselves. People make mistakes. They forget. They take the credit themselves. They may mistake what they have been given for their own achievement.

As in the story of Prophet Adam, people need to recognize their mistake and turn back. Being able to say, “I did wrong,” does not diminish us; it is the beginning of getting better.

Then comes gratitude.

Gratitude is not merely saying “Alhamdulillah.” It means knowing the Owner of what we have, preserving its value, not wasting it, and sharing it.

Turning to the Giver of Blessings

Sometimes people forget the source of blessings by saying, “I did it, I earned it, I achieved it.”

Work is necessary. Effort is necessary. Striving is necessary.

But after all this, people should retain this awareness within themselves: “I did what I could; I am not the owner of the opportunities given to me.”

This awareness reduces arrogance.

As people give more, show more gratitude, and remember that what they have been given is temporary, they look differently both at others and at their own lives.

Question: Which blessing that we have today do we no longer see?

Perhaps our health.

Perhaps our spouse’s efforts.

Perhaps what our parents have done for years.

Perhaps our job.

Perhaps the bread on the table.

Perhaps simply being able to breathe comfortably.

The first step out of ingratitude is not asking for a new blessing, but seeing the existing blessing anew.

And then, rather than merely consuming that blessing, producing goodness with it.

Why Does Learning to Give Lead to Gratitude?

If the language of “receiving” dominates someone’s life, their relationships may take shape accordingly.

When someone going to a job interview asks only, “What is the salary, and what benefits will you provide?” something is missing. Another question is needed: “What will I contribute here?”

The same is true within the family.

When we think only, “What does my mother do for me, what does my father buy me, what does my spouse give me?” we always place ourselves at the center.

Yet maturity begins, in part, with this question: “What am I giving?”

Question: If we provide everything for someone and do everything on their behalf, are we strengthening them or weakening them?

Sometimes we take on the entire burden in the name of love. Then we wonder why the other person takes no responsibility.

We leave no work for a child; then we expect them to make an effort when they grow up.

We pay off every debt of someone close to us; then we ask why they have not learned to manage money.

We solve a friend’s every problem; then we cannot understand why they cannot stand on their own feet.

Kindness should not turn into a convenience that makes people lazy. Sometimes kindness means standing beside them, sometimes teaching them, and sometimes leaving the responsibility to them.

This standard is directly related to gratitude. For when people contribute some of their own effort to a blessing, they appreciate it more.

What comes easily may be spent easily. What effort has gone into is protected more carefully.

Remembering Scarcity in Abundance

People who experienced the deprivation of earlier times better appreciated a mouthful, a pair of shoes, or a piece of cloth. Today, we can obtain many things more easily.

This is a blessing in itself. But it is also a test requiring care.

For the moment people say, “There is plenty anyway,” they may begin to waste.

That is why occasionally limiting ourselves in moderation makes blessings visible again. Fasting is one of the clearest examples. People feel the value of water and bread more strongly when they postpone them for a while.

Sharing is like this too. When we give some of our money to someone in need, we remember that this money was given not only for consumption but also for producing goodness.

Gratitude means doing justice to a blessing, not holding on to it.

A Little Self-Examination Today

When evening comes, we can ask not only, “What did I earn today?” but also, “What did I appreciate today?”

Did we notice a kindness done to us? Did we use a blessing without wasting it? Did we lighten someone’s burden?

Gratitude stays alive through such daily self-examination. For ingratitude often grows not from a major decision, but from continually overlooking small blessings.

Question: Which blessing would we appreciate most if it were taken from us tomorrow?

Asking this question today teaches us to appreciate things before losing them. When people recognize what they have, their complaints decrease and their desire to share increases. The greatness of a blessing is measured not only by its amount, but also by what we do with it.

People who appreciate blessings begin to become people who give, rather than only receive.