Beautiful Patience and Hope: Prophet Yaqub’s Pain, Prophet Yusuf’s Choice

6 February 2023

What would someone do if separated from a loved one for years, then received painful news about another loved one? They would grieve, become angry, and ask why this had happened.

Let us think of the pain experienced by the Prophet Yaqub. He has long been separated from one son. Now he has no news of Binyamin either.

Question: Does patience mean feeling nothing, or continuing to seek the right path even while suffering?

Yaqub’s Beautiful Patience

In verse 83 of Surah Yusuf, Yaqub says that his sons’ souls have enticed them into a deed. Then he recalls that beautiful patience is what he needs.

He hopes that Allah will reunite his sons with him. He states that Allah is All-Knowing and All-Wise.

Here we see a father who does not conceal his pain. He had already longed for Yusuf; now he faces another separation.

The continuation of Surah Yusuf describes his turning away from them and expressing his grief for Yusuf. It states that his grief also affected his body.

Question: Can a person continue to grieve while being patient?

Yes, the account gives us room to consider this question. Let us not confuse patience with being unfeeling. We can feel pain and still choose not to sever every bond in anger.

Sometimes those close to us do wrong. We may not want to see them again. Especially if harm continues, a safe distance may be necessary.

But making the same harsh decision after every wrong may not solve the problem either. We can evaluate what we can do while preserving our own boundary.

Beautiful patience means trying not to lose one’s standard even in difficulty, not abandoning responsibility.

Sometimes we think of patience merely as waiting. Yet tying one’s whole life to waiting can also be a separate burden.

Our daily responsibilities continue amid grief. We may struggle because of the loss of a loved one; still, we can try to do the right things within our power.

Let us not belittle a person’s pain by saying, “Be patient, do not cry.” They may need rest, understanding, and help.

Yaqub’s tears also make us consider that we should not immediately declare a suffering person weak. Being strong does not mean giving up all the emotions of being human.

We Cannot Manage All Our Children’s Choices

Parents want their child’s well-being. They fear the child turning toward a wrong path. Sometimes this fear becomes a desire to control all the child’s decisions.

The Prophet Yaqub suffers because of his sons’ behavior. But he is not the person controlling every outcome in each of their choices.

We, too, cannot manage our loved ones’ lives entirely. We can provide information, discuss behavior we consider wrong, and set necessary boundaries.

Question: Is there a difference between loving someone and trying to take over all their decisions?

A sibling may have a bad habit. We want to help. But controlling every action of theirs may not be possible.

While supporting our child, we should also make room for them to learn how to face the consequences of their actions.

Setting protective boundaries when necessary is important. But let us not try to manage the whole relationship through punishment and threats merely because we are afraid.

If our effort to change someone makes us forget the responsibilities in our own lives, there is a limit we need to consider here, too.

Yaqub’s attitude contains both pain and turning to Allah. We can also try to fulfill our responsibility toward our loved ones without imagining that we control everything.

I Present My Grief and Sorrow to Allah

In verse 86 of Surah Yusuf, Yaqub says that he presents his grief and sorrow to Allah. He states that he knows from Allah things the others do not know.

Then he tells his sons to search for Yusuf and his brother and not to despair of Allah’s mercy.

Question: Are hoping and waiting without doing anything the same thing?

Yaqub’s words contain a call to action as well as supplication. He tells his sons to go and investigate.

If there is a problem in our lives, we need to consider what we can do toward a solution. If you have no news of someone close to you, searching for them, gathering information, and asking for the necessary help are part of responsibility.

Hope does not tell us that all outcomes will certainly be good. But it can give us strength to continue taking the right steps available to us.

It also matters to distinguish what a person knows from what they do not know. Yaqub is not described as a person who knows every detail.

Let us not assume that prophets independently know all the unseen that Allah has not disclosed either. Accepting the limits of human knowledge is compatible with trusting Allah.

Parents may carry great expectations for their children in their hearts. When one child turns toward a wrong path, they may ask, “Where did I go wrong?”

Let us ask this question to understand the behavior we can influence, not to blame ourselves entirely. Children also have their own choices; placing all their wrongs on the parents does not fully describe reality.

On the other hand, our promises as parents, the example we show, and the relationship we build also matter. Setting boundaries and withdrawing, showing compassion and covering up every wrong, are not the same things.

Let us consider these subtle distinctions while evaluating Yaqub’s relationship with his sons.

Yusuf’s Test: Not Choosing the Easy Path

When we look at Yusuf’s life, we encounter many difficult periods. These include his brothers’ injustice, separation from his family, being sold as a slave, and imprisonment.

But he did not choose all these events himself. It would not be right to hold him responsible especially for the injustices he suffered as a child.

At certain moments, however, he faces a clear choice. He resists the proposal from the Aziz’s wife and says that he prefers prison to turning toward sin.

Question: Can we consider ourselves entitled to commit a new wrong because we previously suffered great hardship?

Sometimes we think this way in our own lives, too. We may defend behavior we know is wrong by saying, “I have struggled for years; now I have a right to some comfort.”

We may consider deceiving someone else to pay off a debt. We may turn toward an unjust method to advance at work.

Experiencing hardship is not easy. But our past pain does not make violating someone else’s rights right.

Yusuf’s account makes us consider the importance of not departing under pressure from the path he saw as right.

Taqwa, Patience, and Goodness

There are passages in Surah Yusuf where taqwa and patience are mentioned together. People are called to monitor their own behavior, observe their responsibility toward Allah, and remain steadfast in difficulty.

Let us not confine these values to words. Someone saying they are honest does not guarantee they will act honestly in every task.

A merchant should strive to give customers accurate information even in difficulty. A family elder should take care not to wrong a child even when angry.

Question: Which principle do we abandon first when difficulty comes?

An easier but wrong path may appear before a person. They may find relief for a while, but they need to consider what consequences this will produce in the long term.

Yusuf’s being given prison first and other opportunities later does not mean everyone will experience hardship and abundance in the same order.

But his behavior reminds us to try to be good even when we do not see the consequences immediately.

Let us not expect everyone to love us because we made a right choice. Sometimes the other person does not share our thinking; sometimes they do not even thank us for the good we do.

Still, we can strive to preserve our own intention and behavior.

People may draw closer to what is right over the years. When thinking of past mistakes, they may want to begin again.

We should not confine this desire to a single emotional moment. If we have seen the harm of a wrong, we should also plan which conditions to change to avoid repeating it.

The grave proposal Yusuf faced reminds us how pressure can affect a person. Even if we cannot remove the pressure, we can try to recognize the wrong it wants us to commit.

Sometimes the right choice does not appear to bring immediate comfort. At such times, if we look only at instant gain, we may forget our long-term responsibility.

Taking Responsibility without Despairing of Mercy

People may tend to blame others in the face of difficulty. Sometimes we truly are victims of injustice. Sometimes the problem we encounter has grown through our own wrong decisions.

We need to distinguish these two situations. Let us not place responsibility for someone else’s wrongdoing on the victim.

But if there is a wrong that belongs to our own part, let us not ignore it either. Let us repent and seek our opportunity to make amends.

Question: What right step can we take today without despairing of mercy?

Perhaps we can call a loved one. Perhaps we can acknowledge our mistake. Perhaps we can fulfill a responsibility we have long postponed.

Another mistake we make concerning patience is this: We imagine that someone who makes an effort should obtain a result immediately. When the outcome is delayed, we see all the effort as wasted.

Yet Yusuf’s story contains years. Yaqub’s longing also contains years. Our responsibility today may be to continue seeking a right path without knowing the whole future.

Let us remember Yaqub’s words: He presents his grief to Allah and tells his sons to investigate. He does not separate supplication from effort.

O Allah, grant us beautiful patience. Enable us not to abandon what is right amid anxiety, pain, and uncertainty, to protect others’ rights, and not to despair of Your mercy.

Patience is not the absence of pain; it is trying to choose what is right while pain is present.